Sit Down and STUDY or You Get the Belt Again!

When I was a kid and you had trouble paying attention, your teacher or parent would swat the living shit out of you and you’d start paying attention. A few such whippins and your ability to cause trouble is mitigated by your inability to stop crying.

Later on, someone with a much bloodier heart than my parent’s or teacher’s discovered Ritalin and its kin and decided that long term amphetamine addiction was a better alternative for kids with discipline problems and some some smarty pants coined the diagnosis of ADHD to legitimize handing children what is basically the same “speed” that’s popular with truckers and students. I can’t even comprehend the kind of evil mind it takes to think that’s a good idea. Apparently the whole addicting your kids to drugs thing and the nasty side effects that long term use of amphetamines come with; psychosis, crippline paranoia, paranoid schizophrenia, etc…, were getting so onerous in the effort required and the severity of long trm side effects that medical science has finally decided do what we old guys said they should do in the beginning. El.ectrocute the little shits

If your little snowflake can’t pay attention, don’t beat them. Don’t addict them. Zap their damned brain with electricity using an implant. It’s like a taser that you can’t see coming. Perfect for controlling young minds seeking someone, anyone to trust and connect with. These new internal tasers are vastly superior to the old “don’t tase me bro” crap heaps that cops carry around. Why? You can activate it remotely. It’s impossible to remove without surgery. It’s drug free. It’s still pretty fucking insane in it’s own right. It’s effects are mild enough to not get you life in prison for torture of a minor. There’s no scarring of the skin or damage to internal organs that might lead to people assuming that it constitutes torture despite the name being changed. It does not solve the problem that your little brat shit machine is poorly behaved because you’re a shit parent. It does what everything else we’ve tried does. It hides the real problem behind an even bigger and more complicated and expensive problem that’s entirely mysterious in terms of long term side effects.

Good job guys. Keep it up. Remember that the problem we’re solving here is partly, “Little jimmy just doesn’t seem to be paying attention and I personally, as his teacher, find that super annoying because it’s not good for my metrics.” and partly, “My son little Jimmy sure needs better parenting than I’ve ever provided him. Perhaps I should take a class in parenting or even just early childhood education or child psychology.”

But, that’d be too hard.

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