Have you ever banged your head against something and just wished someone would easy-button that shit for you?
MacOS has become an increasingly painful thing to deal with. Try reinstalling it on a MacBook Pro that has been previously owned by someone who is all of stupid, security conscious and determined. This case is a unit that had all kinds of spyware installed by the previous owner’s overseer to make sure they updated Firefox and rebooted the thing with annoying regularity. That’s all it did but they used the most pernicious software package they could find to do it (which I won’t get into because it does have valid use cases for non-idiots).
So we have a locked hard drive, spyware/nannyware which prevented installing any prior version of the OS and which made lots of other things ferociously difficult and the whole effort was hampered by a configured prohibition about booting from USB devices.
Step-1: Ditch that USB booting restriction. You need an administrative account or you’re just screwed on any MacBook that has a solder-down drive, such as this one did. Go to System Preferences > Startup Disk. Click the lock and enter your password to change the settings. Select your USB drive from the list and click Restart. To test, install a bootable USB drive/FOB and then hold down Option while booting. See if you can boot the USB drive/FOB.
Step-2: Unlock the hard drive. To unlock the disk the conventional way, you must enter the backup password you created when you turned on encryption for the disk. If you don’t have this you may have a really really hard time and have to resort to more advanced measures than I’m prepared to narrate in this article.
SIDE NOTE FOR THE LINUX CROWD: I tried various flavors of Linux as I had initially thought, “Fuck it, let’s just `echo > /dev/sda` and call it good.”, but I had issues related to keyboard functionality and no USB keyboard handy and so I said, “Fuck it.” to that idea. Like I said, not going to narrate that. I happened to have the administrative account’s password and that turned out to also be the password for the disk encryption because the prior owner was security conscious, but they were also pretty stupid. I say that because I guessed the administrative account’s password in the first place.
So, to continue… Hold down Option while booting. When you see the menu bar at the top and the menu in the middle like the image below, select Disk Utility, click the menu in the upper left, unlock the hard drive. This is where you’ll need the password mentioned above or you’ll need to be in a place where the string of expletives you’ll scream will not offend sensitive ears.
Step-3: Download the MacOS version of your choice. You’re kind of being silly if you don’t just bite the bullet and get the most recent, non-beta, version because lots of stuff just doesn’t play nicely with older MacOS versions and older MacOS versions don’t play nicely with just about anything. It’s a hate-hate kind of relationship. To download the version you’ll need go to https://mrmacintosh.com/ and find the “SOMEVERSIONNAME Installers” link at the top that represents the most recent release. If you can’t figure out which that is, you need to get a geek to assist you and your geek better be VERY familiar with Mac’s.
Step 4: Prepare the ISO for writing to a USB drive/FOB. The download ends you up with a .pkg file which is as useful as nuts on a priest all by itself if you want to completely wipe the host and install from scratch to ditch the spyware/nannyware. So, crack open Disk Utility and go to File, New Image, Blank Image and create a blank image (name it usefully) of sufficient size to hold the .pkg file.
As of this writing I found 15GB to be a handy odd number. Now you need to expand the .pkg file so you can extract the .dmg file from it. I will note that this process requires at least 3x the amount of space consumed by the .pkg file unless you feel like having to actively manage disk space and potentially re–download the bloody install package again and again and again as you unscrew yourself during the process.
To continue…. use Terminal and `pkgutil –expand /Users/<your current administrative username>/Downloads/InstallAssistant.pkg /Users//Users/<your current administrative username>/Downloads/<releasename>expanded`. You will have a new folder. Now comes the easy part, making an ISO file from the .dmg file.
Start by cracking open Finder and browsing to the folder that you created with the step above. Inside you’ll find a .dmg file. Now, using Terminal, you’ll need to issue a command like the following: `hdiutil makehybrid -iso -joliet -o /path/to/where/you/want/to/put/sonoma.iso /path/to/where/you/expanded/the/pkg/file/SharedSupport.dmg`. Bingo bango bongo, you have an ISO file after a minute or two.
Step-5: Download balenaEtcher. Just do it already. It’s the easy button. Install Etcher. Open Etcher.
Step-6: Burn yourself a USB FOB. Insert a USB fob and do the 1,2,3 bits on screen. It’s really hard to fuck this up. If you figure out a way to fuck it up, consider yourself banned from doing this kind of thing and contact the aforementioned nerd/geek/etc… type person.
Now you can boot your FOB by holding down the Option key while booting the computer from a power off state. If you can’t figure that out, then refer to the prior paragraph and count yourself as one of the blessed few that can do hard things but not simple things and consider the career opportunities, such as government bureaucrat, that could benefit you and the population as a whole.
In the end, the above didn’t work and so I said “Fuck it!” and walked away. Pain in the ass motherfucker MacOS. It’s just about as annoying an unworkable as a wife that forgets that what a willful and self-important woman brings to a marriage is:
- The punchline to the joke.
- See #1.
Turns out the solution to the problem is the same as the solution to a marriage where the wife thinks that her husband not catering to her elective neuroses is “inflicting trauma” and makes the claim that she’d have been OK with it if her husband quit his heart attack-inducing job in hell and the family ended up homeless because her husband would not have been so distant for 2 hours after coming home every day or grumpy when he got home and the dishes weren’t done for the 3rd consecutive week or that the house was a general mess all the time.
MacOS and women have the same basic design flaw: They seem to be easy to use and they are when you play by their insane rules but they’re both ridiculously more expensive than is justified by the enjoyment one gets from using them and if you need to make any kind of change to their OS or configuration you can go ahead and fuck yourself.
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